Taylor Swift went through two breakups during the Eras Tour (Joe Alwyn and Matty Healy) and they both inspired the recording of her album, The Tortured Poets Department. The Grammy-winner has been extremely private about both relationships (and how they ended), but she touched on her experience during episode 4 of her new docuseries, The End of an Era.

“Tortured Poets album is like this purge of just everything–everything bad that I felt for two years,” she said. “It was a really rough time in my life, so the songs reflect that. Feeling like I’m not a person, I’m just this big conglomerate that no one sees as a really human being, especially not men that I date. And in the whole process just being like, nothing works. Nothing. There’s no one for me in the world.”

Later in the episode she explained, “There were points in this tour where the tour was really the only thing keeping me going in my life. But there were never points in the tour when I thought, ‘Oh, you know what I want to quit the tour because the tour’s hard.’ No my personal life was hard. I went through two breakups on the first half of this tour and that’s a lot of breakups, actually. The show was what gave me purpose and was what I could use to get me out of bed. The tour has never been the hard thing in my life, the tour has been the thing that has allowed me to find purpose outside of the shit that was going wrong in my life. Men will let you down. The Eras Tour never will.”

Taylor also spoke about how her relationship with Travis Kelce is different, saying “Relationships on tour has always been something I’ve really struggled with because it always felt like the tour was taking away from the relationship. Somehow I was not able to do both and feel like I was nurturing both at the same time, even though I would try and try and try.”

She added, “Somehow there’s been this dynamic shift with Travis because it’s shocking how many similarities we have towards are jobs and how we view them and how we view each other.”